


Ford Pines and the Reverse-Causality Blowjob

by mariachiMushroom



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bondage, Demonic Possession, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Physics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:16:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6183919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariachiMushroom/pseuds/mariachiMushroom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ford masturbates with Bill's help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ford Pines and the Reverse-Causality Blowjob

Ford pumped himself to hardness in the privacy of his room. With all the excitement over the portal, he hadn’t been able to ‘take care of himself’ in a couple of weeks. Usually, Ford’s body served him and not the other way around, but when he found himself admiring the way two sine curves fit together, he knew it was time to take things into his own hands, so to speak.

He tugged at his penis with rapid strokes, trying to get off as fast as possible. He hadn’t even taken off his clothes, figuring he’d just wash his hands and get back to work. Masturbation was a luxury he couldn’t afford right now, not when there was work to be done. The body was such an annoyance sometimes. He envied Bill’s incorporeality.

“Hey, what’cha doing, Sixer?” Between one blink and the next, Bill popped up in front of his face.

“Gah!” Ford scrambled, covering himself with a cushion. “Bill, I was, umm, just, uhh—” he stammered, as embarrassed as if his father had caught him looking at pinups.

“Sating your reproductive urges? I know all about that. Wet dreams pop up all the time in the Dreamscape.”

“I’m sorry Bill, I’ll get right back to work—” Ford fumbled his half-hard penis back into his pants.

“Don’t apologize for your human body’s weakness! Jerking off is much more responsible than sticking your meat in some other human’s body.”

“You think so?”

“Of course. Can’t have you making stupid mistakes because you’re distracted. Your work is far too important.” Bill looked down at Ford’s exposed penis. “Although, I don’t understand the appeal of masturbation. Fondling your flesh stick until it spits? Seems like a mess to me.”

“Oh, well, it feels good.”

“Feels?” Bill floated down and stroked Ford’s dick with his tiny hand. That touch, light as a paper’s edge, sent a shiver down Ford’s spine. 

“What’s this feel like?” Bill was rubbing a hand on the tip of his dick. Ford’s brain was shorting out at the sight of his muse—divine and unfathomable!—touching his base flesh.

“It feels, mmm, good!”

“You’ve got better words in you than that, kid.”

“I, ah, it’s hard. It’s like explaining color to a blind person.”

“So I have to feel it to believe it. But playing with you is fun too.” Bill thought for a moment. “I guess I’ll just have to multi-task!” Bill folded himself in the middle and tore himself into two pieces. Each piece became a smaller Bill. “We’ll compare notes afterwards,” said Bill to himself. The other Bill nodded, and flew into Ford’s mind.

Ford felt Bill’s presence settle in his mind. After some trial and error, they’d discovered that both of them could inhabit the same body as long as they didn’t try to move at the same time. Some painful face-planting had occurred before that realization. Outside Bill began patting Ford’s penis again, like one would a cat. Inside Bill murmured in Ford’s mind,

“So, this is what you humans get so crazy about. Nice, but doesn’t seem worth it.”

“You’re not getting the full effect,” said Ford. “No offense, Bill, but your hands are too small. Let me take over.” The outside Bill moved away, letting Ford wrap his hands around his dick. Ford moved his hand, slower now that he had an audience. He could feel Inside Bill’s astonishment at the pleasure sparking from each touch.

“How’s it going in there?” Outside Bill flew to Ford’s right eye, which he knew was glowing yellow with slitted pupils.

“It’s amazing,” said Inside Bill with Ford’s mouth. “It’s i-indescribable. I, ah, keep making noises, ah, c-can’t talk.” Inside Bill lost control of Ford’s mouth, drool leaking everywhere. Ford swiped a handful and used it to slick up his dick.

“It likes to be wet?” Outside Bill was hovering to the side of Ford’s vibrating hand, staring intently.

“Yes,” said Ford, “it is designed to go inside a vagina. Some people even put it in other people’s mouths.”

“And how does that feel?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never—oh, sweet Einstein!—never gotten that far.” 

“Well, I can help you with that, Sixer.” Bill pushed aside Ford’s hand. 

“A-are you going to?” In response, Bill pressed Ford’s erection into his eye. The back of Bill’s body didn’t bulge out, as expected, remaining flat as a sheet of paper. Ford waved his hand in the space his penis should have occupied, but touched nothing. There wasn’t any pressure on his penis as well. His dick had just vanished.

“Bill, where did you put my penis?”

“Right here!” said Bill’s voice from above. Floating above Ford’s head was another Bill, who had, instead of an eye, Ford’s penis.

“What the—Bill! Give me my dick back!” Ford swiped at his floating member. Before he could jump, a rush of pleasure made him fall to his knees.

“So that’s how you’re supposed to touch this thing.” Bill wrapped his arms around Ford’s dick like a coil of rope and stroked it up and down. “Open wide for the choo-choo train!” Bill prodded Ford’s mouth with his dick.

“I am not sucking—oh!” Ford’s mouth fell open as his dick sank into a hot, wet hole. His distraction let Bill shove his dick into his mouth. 

His dick tasted mostly like skin salted with precome. Thank God he was circumcised. Ford felt the cool air on his dick moments before he pushed Bill away.

“Aww, come on, Sixer. I was enjoying that!” Dick-faced Bill crossed his arms.

“Bill, there’s something wrong, well, something besides the fact that my penis isn’t attached to my body. I’m feeling things before they happen—ow!”

“I guess you’re not going to like this, then,” said Bill plucking a hair from Ford’s balls.

“That’s exactly what I mean! The laws of causality are being violated as we speak!”

“Sixer, you worry too much. Just relax and roll with it!”

“But this raises so many questions about the nature of the universe! Do we really have free will or are our actions pre-determined—” Inside Bill clamped a hand over Ford’s mouth.

“Shh. No talking. Only dick-sucking.” Outside Bill pulled away Ford’s hand and dangled his dick in front of his face. The hard flesh glistened with spit. Ford had never looked at his genitalia from such an angle before. Such a crude organ, all veins and skin. And yet, somehow exciting?

“Hey, Sixer, you’re thinking too hard again.” Bill bapped Ford’s face with his own dick. “Am I going to have to take control?”

“No, I’m just, umm, working up my courage.” What if he pretended this was Bill’s penis? Bill, who was his muse. His savior. His god. A warm mouth enveloped his member. Well, that was his decision. Ford opened his mouth and sucked himself in.

“There you go. I knew you could do it.” Was it the feel of his mouth or Bill’s hand combing through his hair that made his dick pulse?

Theoretically, giving a blow job wasn’t that difficult. The penis was an uncomplicated organ, desiring heat and pressure. In practice, though, there was a lot he had to figure out. Because of the reverse causality, he knew that forming his lips into a tight ‘o’ and quickly moving them over his head would produce an amazing sensation, but his lips tired quickly. He bobbed his head, pressing in until the head bumped into the back of his throat, then pulling out until only the tip was in his mouth, simulating what he knew of vaginal intercourse. A spike of pain made him wince, causing him to pull his teeth back and scrape his shaft. Teeth very bad then.

All throughout his fumbling, he could feel Bill watching, judging how well his favorite human was doing. Bill could feel what he felt, would know if he was just going through the motions. He needed to impress Bill. He pushed forward as far as he could, until the head breached his throat. It felt amazing, hot and tighter than the rest of his mouth, an exponential spike in pleasure, but his body rejected the foreign object pressing into his windpipe. Ford pulled off, coughing and gagging, breaking the string of phlegm connecting his mouth and his dick.

“What’s the matter, IQ, too hard for you?”

“No, I can do it.” Ford glared at his own dick. He just needed to desensitize himself. Ford swallowed himself again, forcing the head past his throat again, but he held it there for barely a second before he choked again. “Damn it,” said Ford, pounding the floor.

“Well, you tried, Sixer, but sometimes, you just need a little help.” A black thumb traced Ford’s dick-bruised mouth. “Open wide.” Ford obeyed, even as his throat protested. Bill’s hand reached in and pinched his uvula. Ford’s throat closed immediately, trying to reject the intruder, but Ford kept his mouth open, as his eyes burned and stomach heaved. Like a piece of mentholated ice, Bill’s hand numbed Ford’s throat until the nausea had completely subsided. 

“Let’s see how well that worked.” The cold string of Bill’s arm worked deeper and deeper into Ford until he could feel it poking his stomach. Satisfied, Bill retracted his arm, filling Ford’s mouth with the taste of his partially-digested lunch. Ford tried to say thanks, but it came out as a raspberry, his tongue as clumsy as a shoe’s. 

“Whoops! Might have numbed it too much. But hey, this’ll have no problems fitting in now.” Bill flicked Ford’s dick. “You just let me drive from here out.” With a jerk, Ford’s arms were pulled behind him, causing him to fall forward. Bill caught him by the hair and worked his dick back into his mouth.

Now, Ford’s mouth was numb and pliable, his dick sliding easily up to the hilt. The pace was up to Bill, who fucked Ford’s face at two hertz. Ford closed his eyes, reveling in the deep pleasure welling in his belly, the way his whole body was in the control of his master, Bill. 

After a few minutes of slobbery sucking, Ford approached the brink, his balls tightening, his dick growing impossibly hard. He was going to come. He was going to show Bill the heights of human ecstasy. His eyes rolled back into his head as the orgasm burst in his groin. Exploding and exploding and—

Still exploding? Ford’s nerves glowed with the intensity of the sensation, that kept stretching on and on, a single point drawn out into a line, a sine curve, the wiggle of the lagrange interpolation of a step function—

“Wow, this sure is intense, huh?” Unbearably good, his electrons stripped away until he was an plasma, nuclear fusion sparking photons— “I’m manipulating your perception of time so you get to feel it longer. Basically, overclocking your brain. You’re gonna feel it in the morning but hey, everything’s got a price.” Ford was drowning in a sea of bliss, unable to keep his head up and uncaring if he sank to the bottom to be eaten by the beasts below.

And then he returned to the reality where his dick was pulsing semen down his throat. Ford gasped, and tried to pull away, but Bill held Ford’s head tight until he swallowed everything down.

“Don’t want to violate your precious causality by spitting.” Ford sagged in his bonds. Bill was right, Bill was always right, who knew what the consequences would be of pulling out when he’d already experienced the orgasm. Finally, Bill pulled out. Ford collapsed without the support. His throat felt like someone had jammed a broomstick down it and his head throbbed with the beginning of a hangover. Outside Bill pushed the softening dick through his face and back onto Ford’s body. Ford saw Inside Bill exit his mind and hover next to Outside Bill.

“So, how was it?” asked Outside Bill.

“See for yourself,” said Inside Bill, and fused with his double. The combined Bill exploded into fireworks, then drifted down like a sheet of paper onto the floor next to Ford. “Yeowza, that was something! Guess I can’t make fun of fleshbags for fiddling with their meat flaps all the time.”

“‘M glad,” Ford mumbled, his mouth still numb. Bill squished his cheeks together. 

“Don’t you say a word. You ate that dick like a champ! Now, wake up and drink some fruit juice.”

“Thanks.”

“No, seriously, I wasn’t joking when I said I overclocked your brain. if you don’t eat sugar in the next ten minutes, you’re going to lose your extra IQ.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title is a snowclone of Harry Potter and the Adjective Noun.


End file.
